I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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