my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
