I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
