Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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