True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is Oprah even human
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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