he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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