He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
