so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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