I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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