found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
