May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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