The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
