Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
