the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
