Got a toothbrush?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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