It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
