his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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