That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
