that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
