sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
