Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
