Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
