Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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