garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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