I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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