he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
