Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love having hate sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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