i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
