hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
