that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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