guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Send help, water and tortillas.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
