Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
