He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
