I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
