ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
