i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
