Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet he comes in French.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
