Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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