He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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