I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
