he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
