I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
