she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
