: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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