I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
