My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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