I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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