It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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