I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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