I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
