But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
