He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
