So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize