She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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