I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had sex on a roof
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want a musical about memes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
