If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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