Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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