For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
