i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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