i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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