going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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