I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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