i permit you to call me
it hurts more in the daytime
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
