so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
