Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
