it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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