Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
