call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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